Mentor, Jump In and Rescue, or Coach?
How to manage when there’s a struggle or stumble
This morning I was curious what results if you Google “should I mentor, coach, direct.” I pictured a manager faced with a team member who is struggling or has recently stumbled, and she’s trying to decide what to say or do. In most such scenarios, there is a right answer, and that is to coach. I was hoping that would come through in the results. Alas, it doesn’t, at least not with crystal clarity.
Why shouldn’t she mentor?
Mentorship is at its best when it’s forged over time by the mentee, who asks questions of someone who typically is wise and experienced but not his boss. The wisdom tends to be conveyed in a spontaneous way, in organic conversation. Such relationships are rarely formal, and the transfer to knowledge is not structured nor predictable.
A manager can mentor, too, but it’s a trickier affair because it can land more like specific direction or criticism. Even if the boss can avoid activating defenses, the guidance is less likely than career feedback from a sage ally to be received with open ears.
Sure, “mentoring” by the manager can work in the immediate term. On average, people will do what their boss tells them. But it does nothing to help them become more self-directed or more confident in their own brainpower. It’s not really mentoring. It’s managing or directing.
(As an aside, there are convincing-sounding writings that present “mentorship” and “coaching” as almost the same thing, or interchangeable. They’re not. But before we get into coaching…)
Why not jump in and rescue?
Oh, this temptation. “I don’t have time to teach this person how to do this,” the manager might think. “And why is it my job, anyway? If I just do it myself this time, I can stop worrying about it. Maybe he’ll learn by watching me, so it should be fine.”
If a manager gives in to the urge to step in, the responsibility will be handled, but at a cumulative cost. The manager will teach her staffer that, when things get tough, she swoops in. By and by, the staffer will feel relieved of the responsibility to push all the way through tough situations. The manager…
